This is my life’s short story and does not in any way give exact information or accurately inform anyone on who I was or all details of who I am today.
Who is Divan Erasmus this is a short life’s story that helps you understand a little bit, it does not give exact information and does not intend to help explain what is not always understandable or comprehensible to many.
OK let’s speak ME .. its like learning a foreign language. It’s not easy to understand myself, maybe you will maybe you won’t. But one thing is for sure reading this once won’t be enough as you surely won’t fully understand the same with a language you never learned to read before.
Let me try my best to give you insight into my demeanor and let’s start with the past.
So firstly I finished high school and I made a choice to go to England on a 2-year Working Holiday visa. Went there alone and met people from my school on arrival. But the foreign feeling of being in a different country and different setting really gave me euphoria.
It was as if I was in a dream but knowing that it wasn’t a dream.
The strange feelings you try to associate with this foreign environment being overseas is what gave the euphoria. It’s like trying to learn the meaning of life on a small scale by learning the meaning of the environment and the people and their mentalities in a foreign country.
No. You get me wrong.
It’s was an addictive feeling. The only sad thing about my England experience was the weather. But I did also meet a Russian girl that I somehow made myself believe that God wanted me to convert to a Christian when I found out she wasn’t.
This was a weird time of my life to be honest.
I took Christianity too seriously.
Well, it’s strange because I realize now that to really be a dedicated Christian you need to be somewhat crazy or act like a crazy person.
Or you will seem like a crazy person if you do take religion very seriously as I have obviously done firsthand expeirnce.
I can only imagine what the Russian girl must have been thinking. Well, I failed to fulfill my imaginary duty of converting her into a Christian and I then had a misguided feeling of broken attraction towards her. In other words a broken heart.
This was a pretty defining moment of my manic obsession with my Christianity. Maybe this resonates with you maybe it doesnt.
But it’s a part of my story.
Naturally, after that, I had deep inner conflict, To put it lightly.
After that, I came back home from overseas and immediately felt I wanted to be back overseas but this time I wanted to do it on my own terms no more crazy obsessed Christian.
So I decided to be a Lone Ranger.
Well by doing my own thing,
Following my intuition,
If that makes sense?
Well, let’s just say this was the start for me of self-discovery and finding the meaning of life. It was my passion and took over from the obsessed Christian role I was playing before. I saw life as a master puzzle I need to figure out and understand.
The passion was real the search was unceasing, living overseas and taking in all the foreign experiences as if it was feeding my passion.
While all of this is going on all my fellow countryman in the same sharing living arrangments in this foreign environment and wanting to know what I am all about and what
This is how I started learning how humans handle someone that doesn’t want to fit in or makes zero attempts to make friends with his own kind so to speak. Little did they know this was a part of my purposeful intentions of leaving behind my culture and separating myself from my upbringing and
In other words, I wanted to shed myself from the given identity from my past as
I knew that I needed to grow out of the mindset I was forced into and allow myself to see other possibilities other than my country & my culture.
I wanted to have no limitation to what I experience while being cautious of obvious drugs and substances that i knew would interfere with the calrity of my observations. Also, I wanted unobstructed surveying of my new surroundings living overseas taking it all in more effectively everday.
As a child, my dad was the extrovert that liked going out and even let me experience bars and loud music events. My mom was a stay at home mom when I was younger, this caused them to split eventually.
This means I am very comfortable in a night clubs environment and I even would fall asleep in bars next to my dad if I was tired and couldn’t be bothered with the loud music and people around me. Imagine being so comfortable in a bar or club you can sleep in that noisy environments?!
So, of course, I don’t see anything wrong with a beer here or a night club there and I loved going out in the nightlife to further evaluate how people are at these foreign clubs as they are literally from all parts of the world.
In other words, I might not have believed in getting near drugs but I knew that drinking one or two beers
At this point, you think well you seem like any teenager reaching puberty and finding himself. you might have a point but then after being overseas for 3 years, I finally decided I need to take the ultimate step in my journey in finding me and what I believe life means to me.
If I was to say this was an easy feat I would be lying I postponed it several times in my head and instantly realized that there is no better time then now!
It’s as if you embrace the nothingness of it all, you take a leap into the abyss.
The difference is that I already knew that there are people that think differently and do not believe what they are told but rather use their own intuition and choose to be
I knew that in the core of my being that everything around me was made to help us understand life and everything we think we know because we are told it is so. Yet it was clear as daylight that we as a human species do not really truly understand our existence and we decided that what the mainstream society follows is our compass and ultimately our addiction leading to us deeper into nothingness.
To put this in other words we as humans learn our mother tongue and we are fed from a young age what to believe and how to think. I started to realize I would need to take this opportunity and move away from what i was told to believe and leap into the unknown and commit to it as this is ultimately what true freedom meant and where this self defining pursuit led me too.
I ultimately realized that everything I have learned and my self declared conclusion up to this point with my self-discovery and that my prognosis eventual will be forgotten by my feeble human memory. I decided I need to create a summary of what I now believe in before I see my own passion wither away and drown in all the noise around me.
I created my self proclaimed mythology or as it should be called philosophy.
Three Principles Learned :
- Question Everything
- Humans Design Their Problems
- The Only True Wealth is Life
These three principles are not the only to be learned but they are set in stone so to speak and they work in applying them in almost all ways of life.